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November 07, 2024 4 min read
Let’s be real—supporting someone who’s grieving can feel overwhelming. You want to help but might worry about saying or doing the “wrong” thing. The truth? There’s no perfect way to support someone through grief. But small, thoughtful gestures and genuine care can make a huge difference. Here’s a guide with over 15 ways to show your love and be there when they need it most.
It’s tough. Grief can make everything feel heavy and isolating. If you’re unsure what to say, don’t let that stop you from showing up. Just being present, even if you’re sitting in silence or watching a random show together, can mean the world. One friend told me that what they appreciated most was someone sitting next to them, quietly sipping tea, without trying to “fix” things. It’s okay if it feels awkward—your presence speaks louder than words.
Cooking? Not a priority for someone grieving. Delivering a meal—whether it’s a homemade lasagna or their favorite takeout—shows you care. Bonus points if it’s easy to reheat. If you’re not the cooking type, no worries—a gift card to a local restaurant can work wonders. Trust me, even a simple gesture like this can make their day a little easier.
A small, thoughtful gift can go a long way. Personalized jewelry, a handwritten note, a photo frame, or even a cozy blanket can show that you care. A friend once received a necklace with their loved one’s picture—it became a daily reminder of connection and comfort. Little things like this have a way of holding meaning.
Grief makes even the smallest tasks feel huge. “Let me know if you need anything” is well-meaning, but it can be too vague. Try offering specific help instead: “Can I walk your dog this week?” or “I’d like to help with yard work this weekend.” It makes it easier for them to accept support when they don’t have to figure out what they need.
Sometimes, there’s nothing you can say to make it better—and that’s okay. What matters is listening. Let them talk, cry, or just sit in silence. Avoid the urge to fill gaps or give advice unless they ask. A simple “I’m here” or “I’m listening” can be incredibly comforting.
We’ve all heard things like “Time heals all wounds” or “They’re in a better place.” Even when well-intentioned, these phrases can feel dismissive. Instead, opt for genuine words like, “I’m so sorry for your loss” or “I don’t know what to say, but I’m here.” Honest, heartfelt responses go a long way.
Grief doesn’t just disappear after a few weeks. Remembering birthdays, anniversaries, or the day they lost their loved one can mean a lot. Send a simple “I’m thinking of you today” message. It shows that you remember and care, even as time goes on.
When the initial flood of support fades, it can feel even lonelier. Continue reaching out—a quick text, call, or coffee invite reminds them they’re not forgotten. “Thinking of you today” is simple but powerful.
If they’re up for it, plan something special that honors their loved one’s memory. Maybe it’s a walk in their favorite park, a dinner with their favorite foods, or working on a scrapbook together. These moments can be bittersweet, but they also bring connection.
If you knew the person who passed, don’t be afraid to share your memories. Funny stories, kind gestures, or special moments keep their memory alive and show how much they mattered. Even if it brings tears, it can also bring comfort.
Grief isn’t linear. Some days might be okay; others might feel impossible. Be patient and let them know that whatever they’re feeling is valid. Avoid expecting them to “move on” or “get over it”—that’s not how grief works.
Work together on a scrapbook, memory box, or playlist that honors their loved one. This kind of project can be therapeutic and gives them something tangible to hold onto.
Making a donation to a cause that mattered to their loved one can be a meaningful tribute. Share with your friend how you chose to honor their memory, and encourage others to do the same.
Sometimes, small gestures like lighting a candle, planting a tree, or setting aside a quiet moment of reflection can offer comfort. It doesn’t need to be big—just a simple way to honor their loved one’s memory.
Some days, they may want company; other days, they may need space. Respect their boundaries and let them know it’s okay to say “not today.” Your understanding means more than you realize.
Supporting someone through grief is tough. Make sure you’re looking after your own emotional needs, too. Talk to a trusted friend, take breaks when you need them, and don’t feel guilty for acknowledging your own feelings.
If it seems like they’re really struggling, gently suggest talking to a counselor or joining a support group. Offer to help them find resources or go with them if they’re nervous.
There’s no magic formula for supporting someone who’s grieving—it’s about showing up, listening, and being genuine. Grief is messy, unpredictable, and deeply personal, but small acts of kindness can make a huge difference. Be there, check in, and let them know they’re not alone. Your compassion and presence matter more than you might think.
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