What to Say to Someone Who Lost a Loved One

Losing someone you love is one of the toughest things a person will ever go through. Many people are at a loss for words and don’t know what to say or how to help. You don’t have to be a grief expert to be present and help. In this post we will cover what to say when someone dies, what to avoid and thoughtful gift ideas to show you care.

Grief

Grief is a personal thing and can look different. Some people will express their sorrow openly, others will withdraw or go silent. It’s important to understand that everyone grieves differently and often moves through stages of denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. This process has no timeline, some people will move through the stages quickly, others will linger longer in one stage.

Grief is Complex

Understanding the complexity of grief will help you approach someone who’s lost someone they love with compassion. They may feel a mix of emotions – sadness, confusion, guilt or even relief if the person who died was suffering. Acknowledging these feelings is a big part of being able to offer real support.

What to Say: Supportive Phrases

When someone loses someone they love, you need to communicate compassion. Here are what to say when someone dies:

Acknowledge the Loss

One of the simplest yet most powerful things you can say is to acknowledge their pain:

• “I’m so sorry for your loss.”

  This validates their grief and lets them know you’re there for them.

• “I can’t even imagine what you’re going through.”

  Not being able to fully understand their pain shows humility and gives them space to share if they want to.

Offer Specific Help

Many people feel overwhelmed after loss and generic help feels like not enough. Instead offer specific help:

• “I’m here for you. Let me know how I can help.”

  This lets them ask for help with errands, meals or just sitting together in silence.

• “Do you want to talk or some quiet time?”

  Let them choose what they need in that moment.

Share Memories

Sometimes recalling happy memories can be comforting for the grieving person. Sharing stories can remind them of the love and joy their loved one brought into their life:

• “I will always remember [a happy memory].”

  By sharing a specific memory you are honoring the deceased and giving them a comforting reminder of their legacy.

• “Your loved one had such an impact on everyone around them.”

  Talking about the deceased’s influence can help the grieving person feel their loved one will be remembered.

Validate Their Feelings

It’s important to let them know it’s okay to feel what they are feeling:

• “It’s okay to feel sad/angry/confused.”

  This lets them know their emotions are normal and okay.

• “Your feelings are valid and it’s okay to say them.”

  Encourages them to open up without feeling judged or rushed to heal.

What Not to Say: Common Mistakes

While it’s good to know what to say when someone loses a loved one, it’s just as important to know what to avoid:

Avoid Clichés

Clichés come from a place of trying to comfort but can feel dismissive to the grieving person:

• “Everything happens for a reason.”

  While well intentioned this phrase can imply their pain is justified which may not be their experience.

• “At least they’re in a better place.”

  This can feel invalidating as it minimizes their grief.

Don’t Downplay Their Grief

Everyone’s grief is unique:

• “I know how you feel.”

  Even if you’ve been through a similar loss every relationship and experience is different. Instead let them share their feelings without comparison.

• “You should get over it.”

  Telling someone to get over it can be incredibly hurtful as it disregards the complexity of their emotions.

Don’t Offer Unsolicited Advice

Grieving people don’t want advice on how to deal with their loss:

• “You should…”

  Instead of offering advice, listen and let them lead the conversation on what they need.

Memorial Gifts

In addition to comforting words thoughtful memorial gifts can be a lovely way to show you care. These gifts not only honor the deceased but also a tangible reminder they are not alone in their grief.

Angel Hoodies

Angel hoodies are comforting and physical and emotional. They often have comforting messages or designs that celebrate the life of the loved one. Wearing something that represents their love makes the grieving person feel closer to them.

Memorial Keychains

A memorial keychain is a daily reminder of the loved one. They can be personalized with names, dates or special messages. Every time the grieving person grabs their keys they will have a piece of their loved one with them.

Memorial Wind Chimes

Wind chimes are a symbol of peace and remembrance. The sounds are comforting in times of sadness. Suggest placing them in a special outdoor area so the gentle sounds can be a reminder of their loved one.

Other Memorial Gifts to Consider

Consider also:

• Personalized photo frames to display memories.

• Memorial boxes to keep cherished mementos and memories safe.

• Memorial tumblers that can be personalized and serve as a daily reminder of their loved one.

• Necklaces with photos to keep loved ones close to the heart.

Ongoing Support

Grief doesn’t have a timeline; it can last long after the funeral. Check in with your friend or loved one:

• Regular Check-Ins: A simple text or call can remind them you care, weeks or months after the loss.

• Send Messages or Cards: A handwritten note means a lot, a moment of connection and comfort.

• Small Acts of Kindness: Whether it’s bringing over a meal, helping with chores or just spending time together, these can be a relief and support.

In Conclusion

Grief can be a tricky terrain to navigate but your words and actions can make a big difference to someone who has lost a loved one. By knowing what to say when someone dies, avoiding the pitfalls and considering memorial gifts you can be of real support.

Remember, the most important thing is to be present and kind. Sometimes just being there in silence is enough. Your compassion and willingness to listen can be a comfort during one of life’s toughest times.